April 08, 2008


Mostly फट रही हैं। Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Four days more, and then - moksha. Everytime I get closer to my who cares attitude, I think about Physics. Works wonders for my brain. I can even mug up law when I think about Physics. It's worse than the fear of being marooned on an island where the only edible thing is muskmelon. I can't even stand the smell. On an optimistic note, the odour will probably kill me before I con myself into eating it. And with all that time to watch the waters go by, I may finally comprehend what electrostatic lines of force are all about. And one day I'll be rescued by a ship. And I'll become a Physics teacher on returning to the mainland. Now, that is really going OTT!

Samsmaranam was lovely but it has left me sleep-starved and exhausted. Time to meet up with my old paramour.

Let me get back to figuring out why India's planning commission doesn't have any planning to do...

April 04, 2008

Nightscapes - निशाचर

4.31 AM

I've learnt a new word - निशाचर, which means nocturnal, according to Ipsita. I'm nowhere close to completing my portion. Most professors seem to have pulled a fast one on us. But I've learnt new things today and taught some.

4. 36 AM

Horizontal communication made me feel like walking on a tightrope. Vertical was like bungee jumping without those ropes tethered to your ankles.

4.37 AM

I have a French spa voucher I don't know what to do with.
If PK Ravindranath can get published, so can I!

4.39 AM

I turned twenty today. Ish! Doesn't feel like I'm two decades old. I've lived through the fall of the Berlin wall. And changed centuries. Too much packed into a few years. Am an "adult" now. Does that make me feel heady? I think dizzy is more like it.

4.41 AM

I want a dog.
Just received a birthday SMS.
What a night! As a child, I used to measure myself before going to bed on the eve of my birthday. And then check in the morning to see if I had grown an inch.

4.46 AM

I came online to check on NWICO. Let me do that.
And I should sleep. Or I'll miss breakfast again.
It's the most exciting meal of the day. Sometimes. I'm tired of junk food.
Yes NWICO dear, I'm coming.

4.57 AM

BMM has made me an editing and layout junkie.

April 3 - Nightscapes...contd

2.15 AM

Hmm. I'm still optimistic. And I should get offline. And I've ruined my English.And no one seems to speak in English any more.I've become a Bambaiya champ, by the way.Kya life me hain. Kucch Is Tara. Parting question: In which country is my height? Lol, I meant heart.

2.17 AM

Talking of heights and lol, I've been wanting to visit Lahaul and Spiti. When I have money, I will. Columbus and Vasco da Gama did most of the work, but there must be some place on earth that is yet to be discovered. Why talk of the earth, India is big enough. Some forest that no one has ventured into. Some river that no one has bathed in. Animals who have not seen human beings. Ah, I wish there is such a place. The prospect of discovery is thrilling. Even if the place of my dreams does not exist, it is always nice to dream. Dreams give you a story. And stories are intriguing.

2.25 AM

The brain is impatient, the heart isn't. I'm still obsessively following the soap operas. Though Radha and her daughters continue to boost sales of glycerine, the director seems to have decided that a few smiles aren't going to spoil anyone's day (or his profits). Kanya and Ranbir are falling in love - AA, please take some tips on how to change men from the Kapoor stable. Kalyani is the dahej, sorry, dahhej, and everyone lives like life is one big party. And the dahhej knows salsa! And the women wear wedding finery in the kitchen. There will never be a bidai in Bidaai. They also dress like imitation jewellery is going out of fashion. Babul ka aangan chootey na has finally got Aastha married - putting an end to her "marriage is a yo-yo ball" behaviour. Television has stepped further north with Mera Sasural - bringing Pathankot and Jammu to your homes. Here, men come with platoons (not just orderlies) to meet future wives at the railway station. And women jump out of moving trains in nightsuits. After having her life successively ruined and salvaged, Kinjal decides to wreck it on the eve of her marriage again, in what she thinks is a magnanimous act of self-sacrifice. Another month before life comes back on track. As for Amber-Dhara, they are still together, though the gossip rags speculate that things will change soon. And I read the gossip rags. Every day.

2.36 AM

There I go. Bombastically yours. Better than the corny "educationally yours". I think "yours" is full of all that one needs to express, those adverbs are unnecessary. But again, yours seems very personal, close to the heart. Like leaving things unsaid because you know they have been understood.

As the Night Goddess flies away, the voluminous folds of her gown swirl with the air. Soon, the stars recede, and darkness envelops her. The moon fades into temporary oblivion. To await the day, and arise. Again. Good Night will always be followed by Good Morning. And Good Night. It's a cycle, but is it vicious?

2.47 AM

Dudu time.

April 02, 2008


1.51 AM
It's time to get a big cuddly teddy bear. Thinking of which, I'd quite like a dog. I've never had a pet at home, but I always got on well with them. Absolutely adorable, and loyal, unlike most human beings. It feels selfish to acknowledge how narcissistic we are. But I guess most of us 'like' or 'dislike' based on our needs.

1.55 AM
When one gets so emotionally involved with a place, every betrayal seems personal. The brain understands the heart's folly but this understanding cannot be simultaneously reciprocated. It is appalling to see how people USE institutions to fulfil certain needs and then plunge these places into self-destruction and disuse and finally discard them as white elephants of a past that is now unsustainable. That cannot be condoned as being human. It's being greedy and selfish beyond all conceivable limits. If you cannot give anything to an institution, why be a parasite?

2.05 AM
Unfortunately, it is time to return to my nocturnal reality and forget about the bigger picture for a while. If I can't return to studying, I should sleep. Good Night. On second thoughts, I'll give it a try.